100+ Hilariously Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings! - The Write Greeting (2024)

Funny Christmas Messages For Cards

Christmas is right around the corner, and what better way to get into the festive spirit than with a hearty dose of laughter? 🎄 Whether you’re gearing up to write those Christmas cards, adding a clever touch to your holiday decorations, or just looking to spread a little holiday cheer, funny Christmas quotes and sayings are the perfect way to bring on the smiles. From silly Santa one-liners to witty winter wordplay, here’s your ultimate list of quotes to make everyone on your “Nice” (and maybe “Naughty”) list chuckle.

Grab a mug of cocoa, snuggle up by the fire, and dive into these 100+ hilariously funny Christmas quotes and sayings that are sure to bring a twinkle to your eye and maybe even a belly laugh (like a certain jolly old elf we know)!

• “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”.
• he four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa. 2) You don’t believe in Santa. 3) You are Santa. 4) You look like Santa.””Christmas is the only time of year where you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.”
• “Dear Santa, I was good at being naughty. Does that count?”.
• “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list… then you realize how much fun you had.”.

• “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best.”
• “Nothing says holiday spirit quite like getting tangled in lights and pulling pine needles out of your hair.”.
• “Christmas: The only time of year when we all sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks. Makes sense, right?”
• “My favorite thing about the holiday season? Calories don’t count in December!”
• “Christmas is magical because it turns your savings into gifts.”.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

Victor Borge

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• “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
• Dear Santa, I can explain… but maybe we’ll save that for next year.
• “All I want for Christmas is a silent night.”.
• I put so much thought into Christmas gifts… I could really use a nap now.”
• “Dear Santa, define ‘nice’.”
• “Christmas magic is seeing your living room covered in wrapping paper and realizing the mess is totally worth it.”
• “Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… well, most of the time… okay, maybe once or twice… never mind, I’ll buy my own gifts.”
• “Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with more joy than tangled lights.”
• “Wishing you a holiday where the only drama is how much sugar went into the Christmas cookies.”
• “Christmas calories don’t count… which is why I’ll be sampling everything. Twice.”

• “‘Tis the season to sparkle… and stress about gift wrapping!”
• “I’ve got resting Grinch face until after my coffee.”
• “Christmas calories don’t count, right? Asking for a friend.”
• “Forget love—I’d rather fall in hot cocoa.”
• “It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.”

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• “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas… and by that, I mean my to-do list just tripled in size.”
• “Santa, if you’re listening, I’ve been good all year, or at least I tried—well, I came close… okay, I’ll do better next year.”
• “If you see me in December, just assume I’m either shopping, wrapping, baking, or pretending I’m not panicking.“
• “The true spirit of Christmas is trying to keep a straight face while pretending you didn’t already sneak a peek at your gifts.”
• “All I want for Christmas is for everyone to be nice, the house to magically clean itself, and maybe, just maybe, a little peace and quiet.”

• “Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with zero family drama and eggnog that’s just a little too strong.”
• “Christmas: The season of peace, joy… and endless gift receipts.”.
• “Hope your holiday is as delightful as finding an extra cookie at the bottom of the tin.”
• May your Christmas be filled with love, laughter, and leftovers you won’t get tired of by New Year’s.”
• “Merry Christmas! May your days be merry and your batteries fully charged for all the new gadgets.”

• “Forget silent nights—here’s to joyful noise, endless snacks, and holiday cheer that lasts all year!”
• “Hope Santa brings you everything you didn’t realize you needed until now!”
• “Merry Christmas, here’s hoping Santa brings you at least one gift you wactually wanted this year!
• “Christmas is the season for finding out how well you can hide your disappointment with a smile.”
• “May your holidays be as sweet as your family is weird—cheers to keeping it festive and slightly awkward!”
• “Christmas is that magical time of year when everyone’s living room looks like an explosion of wrapping paper and cookie crumbs.”
• Wishing you a season full of holiday cheer—and no family feuds at the dinner table.”
• “Here’s to hoping your holiday spirit lasts longer than your New Year’s resolution!”
• “Christmas: when you buy all the presents and realize the greatest gift is actually a quiet moment alone.”
• “Christmas magic is real—just watch how fast my money disappears this time of year!”

• “Merry Christmas, my friend! Let’s eat, drink, and pretend we’re not responsible adults for a few days.”
• “Here’s to a season of eating cookies like no one is watching… even though we know they ae!”
• “Christmas with friends: the one time of year when it’s acceptable to drink wine in your pajamas before noon.”
• “Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be as lazy and wonderful as we are all year long.”
• “Wishing you a holiday season filled with laughter, inside jokes, and only the good kind of holiday drama.”

• “Merry Christmas! May your holiday be filled with questionable decisions and memories that last a lifetime.”
• “Friends don’t let friends Christmas shop alone… especially if there’s holiday sales involved!”.
• “Merry Christmas to my friend who understands that ‘festive spirit’ really means ‘justifying all the holiday snacks’!”
• “Christmas wishes for you, my friend: may your gifts be returnable and your fruitcake be re-giftable.”
• “Here’s to a Christmas season filled with more laughs than family drama and more cookies than responsibilities!”.
• “Happy Holidays to the friend who knows all my secrets—and even knows where the best Christmas cookies are hidden!”
• “Merry Christmas friend! Let’s make some questionable decisions, blame it on the eggnog, and call it holiday spirit.”
• “Friends don’t let friends wrap presents alone. Unless you’re terrible at it… then you’re on your own!”
• “May your holidays be merry, bright, and just the right amount of ridiculous.”
• “Here’s to a Christmas season filled with good friends, bad dancing, and way too many cocktails!”

• “Christmas is all about buying yourself gifts, wrapping them up, and then acting completely surprised when you open them.”
• “I’d say ‘All I want for Christmas is you,’ but honestly, a nap and a cookie sound pretty good too.”
• “Dear Santa, I promise I can be better next year… unless it’s inconvenient, then I’ll try again next year!”
• “The true spirit of Christmas? Finding the perfect gift… for myself.”
• “Christmas shopping rule: one for them, two for me!”
• “Let’s be honest: the best part of Christmas shopping is treating yourself along the way.”
• “Christmas truly is magical… I watched my bank account disappear right before my eyes!”
• “I told Santa I was on the nice list this year… he just laughed and moved me to the top of the naughty list.”
• “Dear Santa, I can explain… but maybe let’s just skip to the gifts.”
• Screw the nice list this year, let’s go crazy!”

“Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.”

Dave Berry

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• “Wishing you a holiday season full of joy, laughter, and elastic waistbands.”
• “May your holidays be as cheerful as a kid unwrapping presents at 5 a.m.”
• “Happy holidays! May your eggnog be spiked and your sweaters be ugly.”
• “Sending you all the peace and quiet you can get until the kids are back in school.”
• “May your holiday stress be less than the size of your Christmas tree.”
• “Wishing you a holiday where the biggest worry is how many slices of pie you can eat.”
• “Happy holidays! May your waistbands be stretchy and your naps be plenty.”
• “May your credit card bills be small and your holiday spirit be big!”
• “Merry Christmas! May your family be less dysfunctional than usual and your holiday drama be strictly on TV.”
• “Wishing you a holiday season so wonderful, even your in-laws can’t ruin it.”

• “Nothing says Christmas spirit like last-minute shopping and questionable gift-wrapping skills.”
• “All I want for Christmas is a nap and a cookie… okay, maybe two cookies.”
• “Dear Santa, I’ve been good-ish all year. Let’s just focus on the ‘ish.’”
• “Nothing says Christmas spirit like last-minute shopping and questionable gift-wrapping skills.”
• ‘Tis the season for hot cocoa, stretchy pants, and pretending I’ll start eating healthy in January.”
• “Christmas cheer is pretending to love everyone while secretly hoping the food is better this year.”
• “Wishing you a season filled with joy, love, and zero gift card mix-ups.”
• “Happy Holidays! May your gifts be perfect, your tree be straight, and your eggnog be strong.”
• “May your holiday season be full of family, fun, and avoiding the mistletoe when your weird uncle’s around.”
• “Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of laughs, your gifts be awesome, and your family’s drama stay in the group chat.”

• “Wishing you a holiday season filled with zero awkward conversations and endless cookies.”
• “Happy Holidays! Let’s eat, drink, and be merry… and leave the responsible decisions for next year.”
• “Fa-la-la-la-la… let’s skip the drama.”
• “Merry everything and happy always!”
• “Pro tip: Eat cookies first, think calories later.”
• “It’s all fun and games until the wrapping paper runs out.”
• “Silent nights are highly overrated.”
• “Dear Santa, define ‘nice.’”
• “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”
• “Christmas calories don’t count, right?”